then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.