I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
