I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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