Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (301)

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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(301): View more from Maryland

I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

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(301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1

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(301): View more from Maryland

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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(301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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(301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh

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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

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I accept this challenge.

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(410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm

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(240): View more from Maryland

Banned from zoo.

(301): View more from Maryland

Again?

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(240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? http://tfl.nu/bv0w

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(518): View more from New York

All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

(301): View more from Maryland

OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

(518): View more from New York

Doritoesssssss

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(518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p

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(240): View more from Maryland

were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

(301): View more from Maryland

yes! wait why?

(240): View more from Maryland

because i found it in my pocket this morning...

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(240): were you wearing a green and blue thong last night? (301): yes! wait why? (240): because i found it in my pocket this morning... http://tfl.nu/rs9c

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My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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(301): My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock" http://tfl.nu/tlon

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

can you come get me at the bar

(301): View more from Maryland

ill be there in 10 min

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

can we stop off at build a bear on the way home

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(570): can you come get me at the bar (301): ill be there in 10 min (570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home http://tfl.nu/der9

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(301): View more from Maryland

the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

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(301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements. http://tfl.nu/23am

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(301): View more from Maryland

we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing

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that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome

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we agree. completely

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(301): we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing (1-301): that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome (301): we agree. completely http://tfl.nu/eynh

Replies (31) Good night (7909) Bad night (341)
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(301): View more from Maryland

If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

(513): View more from Ohio

Get out now.

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(301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk

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(301): View more from Maryland

in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

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(301): in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/47y4

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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"

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(301): the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst" http://tfl.nu/u5av

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you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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(301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n

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Last Night in Maryland (301)

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