let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.