and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.