please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.