Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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