Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
