went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
