do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This house was built for laser tag.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
