Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
