dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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