I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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