What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
