I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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