oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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