He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A bitchslap is in order.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
