bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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