Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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