it hurts more in the daytime
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
