they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
