So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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