I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
