Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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