so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
