he shaved USA in his pubs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
