I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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