He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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