just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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