Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
