dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
