i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
