hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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