Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
