no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
