I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
