I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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