I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
