I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
