Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
