I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
