I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
