The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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