allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
