I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i think i just lost a toe
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
