i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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