Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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