so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
