It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
