im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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