He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
