So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
