Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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