It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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