did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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