are you still at the devil's house?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
