I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
