I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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