My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
