It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
