I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
