Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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