I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
