My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
