I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
