Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize