hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
