I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who died my cat blue again?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
