She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
