How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
