sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
