Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
