so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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