you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
